People often ask what made me decide to become a hypnotherapist and Depth Hypnosis practitioner. There were a lot of things in my life that pushed me in that direction, but I think the primary reason was my own experience using hypnotherapy to recover from chronic illness.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), or Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) as it's sometimes called is an often misunderstood debilitating chronic illness. Its symptoms can invade every part of the body and it's not the same for everyone, but the primary symptom is bone-aching, soul-crushing, life-destroying fatigue that goes on and on for days, weeks, months, or even years. This fatigue will often let up, only to return a few weeks or months later.
The medical community has very little knowledge about the origins of this illness or how to treat it. There is currently very little most western medical doctors can do for patients with CFS/ME. The diagnosis is often made once a number of better understood illnesses have been ruled out, leaving the patient feeling as if the doctor just gave up their search for the root of their problem. Even worse, when asked what to do about it, many doctors will recommend exercise or rest, not understanding that a person with CFS/ME can literally do nothing but rest, and exertion of any kind would leave them completely bedridden for days to months. Possibly the most discouraging thing that happens to many patients with CFS/ME is they are told by their doctor that they are simply depressed and should see a therapist. Of course they are depressed! Writhing in bed with flu-like pain and fatigue for weeks on end with no hope for a cure is depressing. But depression is a symptom, not the cause. The dismissal of the entire illness which causes very real physical mayhem including hair loss, inability to moderate body temperature, migrating joint pain, muscle fatigue, brain fog, slurred speech, and on and on, as simply an emotional state is so infuriating and disempowering for sufferers. Which is why many do not pursue therapy as a healing modality. I was one of those people. I was filled with a special kind of fury at the dismissal of my entire illness as being an emotional state; so, I never considered therapy as a means to an end of the illness. Let me tell you how I accidentally recovered from CFS/ME by seeing a hypnotherapist.
I began having severe symptoms of CFS/ME and was first diagnosed with it when I was in my early twenties. I can remember telling the doctor at the time, “I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't feel exhausted. I wake up exhausted, I go to bed exhausted.” As is standard, I was told to rest more. Eventually the symptoms became less severe, and I went back to living a somewhat normal life. But, the fatigue would return and fade every six to eight months over the next decade, and it was worse each time it returned. Then, about four years ago, I had the worst flare-up of symptoms I'd ever had and it wouldn't let up. I would wake up and move from bed to the couch, spend my day there, then return to bed at night. I was freezing all of the time, and had horrible joint and muscle aches. It was just like having the flu. At its worst, I said to my husband, “This isn't sustainable. If this doesn't let up, I can't go on. I feel like I'm dying, and if this doesn't let up, I actually want to die.” The symptoms went on for months until I finally decided to try seeing a naturopathic doctor (ND). The ND put me on a very restrictive anti-inflammatory diet, and loaded me up with supplements, vitamins, and tinctures. It took time, and a lot of trial and error, but eventually the symptoms began to recede. I can't say for certain it was the naturopathic treatment that helped, or if that flare-up of illness had simply run its course. But I believe the treatment helped. If anyone would like more details about this, email me and I will be happy to share what worked for me to clear that flare-up; however, I would highly advise that you only take supplements under the guidance of a naturopathic doctor.
Although I was feeling much better from the treatment, I continued to live in fear of another flare-up. I never knew when the next one might come and as those with this illness know, it is so hard to make plans or commit to any goal when you're living on the edge of debilitating illness. But I really wanted to have children. And I was getting older. I was terrified of having CFS/ME as a parent, but I knew I'd never be happy if I didn’t have children. My husband and I decided to take the risk and began to try for a child. But, months and then a year passed without any luck. Discouraged and distraught, and feeling strongly there was something deeper keeping me from conceiving (more on that in another post), I began to see a hypnotherapist and Depth Hypnosis practitioner.
As we began work together, she took me down a lot of paths I didn't expect to go down. I had come in for help with infertility, but we were often addressing other things in session. One thing that came up was my CFS/ME. I had started to have a flare up and tried to cancel my appointment, but my therapist encouraged me to come in anyway. She offered a drum healing, which to my surprise seemed to help lift the brain-fog. Then she helped me to explore my subconscious mind for the roots of the illness. I got a lot of unexpected answers in that process. It became clear to me that while the physical suffering I was experiencing was a result of disease, the disease had roots in unhealthy subconscious emotional and spiritual patterns and habits.
As I learned this information about the roots of my illness, my hypnotherapist guided me through healing different aspects of the problems which had contributed to my susceptibility to illness. This could look very different for different people; but, for me, as a life-long empath, treatment included learning how to stop taking on the suffering of others. It also included processes to subconsciously remove the negativity I had accumulated from a lifetime of being open and willing to suffer for others by feeling their emotions. All of this therapeutic work which extended over several months combined with an anti-inflammatory diet left me feeling better than I had in years.
Then, one day after I had finally begun to feel truly well, I noticed something. I was standing in line at the supermarket, and I suddenly heard my inner voice. And it wasn't pretty. It was saying something like, “I don't want to be here. This is awful. This line is so long. I feel terrible. Can't these people see that I'm sick? No one knows how miserable I am, my whole body hurts. I can't stand in line like this for much longer. Maybe I should just put this basket down and go home.” It was disturbing to suddenly notice this extremely inaccurate and negative inner dialogue, but it was also a wonderful realization because I now knew what was happening to me. I had negative residue from the chronic illness knocking around in my mind, trying to make me sick again. These thought patterns were something I had picked up while I was sick. Now that I was feeling better, they should have gone away, but were still there. Something in my gut told me that if I could change these thought patterns, I could beat CFS/ME for good. Luckily, I also had the resource I needed to accomplish that in hypnotherapy.
Armed with my new awareness, I returned to Depth Hypnosis for help in shifting my negative self-talk. It took several sessions and a lot of diligence in between, but I eventually was able to make the transformation. That was three years ago, and I haven't had a CFS/ME flare-up since, despite getting pregnant, having a difficult birth, and raising a baby for a year. Each of these things on their own would've triggered a flare-up in the past, so I feel pretty confident that I've finally overcome the illness. I no longer feel as if I'm waiting for something bad to happen. It's a wonderful life, and that's one of many reasons I decided to become a hypnotherapist and Depth Hypnosis Practitioner, myself. I hope to bring this method of healing to others who are suffering from chronic illness and pain. I want to offer hope to those who are feeling hopeless. While I believe naturopathic treatment was one part of my healing, I also now know that in order to put the illness behind me, I had to break the negative patterns I had continued to cycle after recovery. Only then was I able to truly be free from the cyclic disease.
My hope is that in sharing my story, I will reach others who are struggling with CFS/ME and similar chronic illnesses like Lyme disease, Fibromyalgia, and chronic pain. Even those who have been in treatment for cancer or who are in remission could use hypnotherapy to help release the negative residue such an experience can leave behind. May this story bring hope to those who are suffering. There is help and there are people out there who want to support you. For more information about how Depth Hypnosis supports those recovering from CFS/ME, click here. If you would like to explore Depth Hypnosis for yourself, I see clients in my office in Berkeley, CA and worldwide via Zoom. You can also find other practitioners on the Association of Depth Hypnosis Practitioners website.